4/12/2014  =======ON TURNING 75------A celebration of my gift from The Lord

Now that''s kinda wowie!!! Should be somewhere else by now but Thank YOU, Lord, for the extra innings!!! Walt Whitman wrote 'I celebrate myself'--but we cannot do any celebrating with our lives without the gift that God gave us.

So many blessings that YOU, Lord, have shared with me and my Bird Woman: our 2 boys strong and spiritually with the You, Lord!!! Our DIL who sometimes I don't understand- and vice versa about me--but still she is with YOU, Lord, and has her own insight and talents. Our grandsons, Matthew, nearly 14 and Colson, turned 9 years 3 days ago are so formed different by You, Lord; thank you for your designs of us!

You planned us long before we were born and your plan for Matthew is being hewn our of rocky material, a diamond in the rough, that at times melts down for him and  blows us away, but you know haw he will be a man for You, Lord, like Joshua, be strong, have courage, and therefore we should never lose hope; he will come to us one of these days like a butterfly, portraying his wonderful beautiful talents, his music and his amazing personality--what will he say about these past  ugly cater-pillow days??? Colson so much more placid and smart too and his play and loving and creativity already exhibited and shared. Both boys we love so much even with these rough hewn rocky days for Matthew; its groaning days for him and as he struggles to understand himself he grows stronger and 

will survive these days of trial and tribulations--bless him, bless them both, Lord!!!

A Big Blessings, Lord, has been Your Word which I finally got around to reading and studying these past nearly 2 years with the Men's Bible Study and of course how it links and networks up with Pastor John and others sermons and other sources of scripture exposure. Before in my life it was hit and miss and just not connected; I am glad i was raised in a Christian home and was baptized at 8 (and again in the Pacific Ocean Jan 1, 1996 by Ted Goslen on the Big island) but my life of sinning and being selfish even when I thought of myself as a Christian was deceiving, going along w many other boys of the South who had dichotomous views of romance and deeds of just good old boys who could snatch here and there and get away with it--even with a smirk.  I was even worse because of my own belief in myself, yes even asking for forgiveness, but turing right around and sinning again, in the face of You, Lord..

How do we reconcile those years of that kind of life except by accepting YOUR son's love and grace for us. How lonely it would be if we had to pull ourselves out of the mire of muddy sinfulness and try to find some other Rock to save us?? What would it be like on our last day, our last moment facing death and blackness, a void and the only thing we had was our sinful past and useless accolades and possessions, gone to dust?? Your Son, Jesus, came to me in my most desperate hour when I was sure all my sight was lost after the eye surgery in 1979. He was on the cross giving me hope and telling me not to worry but carry on., but giving up that 'old self' and selfishness.

And I did, sometimes just because of the momentum of my calling: from my undergraduate days, even in high school, I  was driven to be a physician; it was a tough road, struggling many times late at night in the Wake library, trying to break through dense learning barriers of some sort of emotions, of what I could call brain blocking; but I would drive on and cram for the upcoming test or goal. I was just driven to succeed. And this same persistence and perseverance (doggedness) continued in my profession through the 35 years of practice;( but at times like in 1995 I ran away from the bad times (the suspensions resulting from  my attempts to right some many wrongs--Don Xioti complex) by selling my practice to the hospital for a year, then started it back up  and continuing for 12 more years). Selling the practice Feb 1, 2008 was the best day and worst day of my life, but as I look back now 6 years later I see Your Hand in this Lord; I needed to take away the sin and give it up for YOU, and not regret but to go forward with the further mission work and love of my life's companion, my BW..